Jose Canseco has just seen Moneyball. He hadn't heard of the book. He wasn't aware of it in theatres. But it's now available in hotel rooms on demand, and no doubt Jose ordered it up thinking he was in for one heckuva baseball-themed porno. But what began as bitter disappointment quickly gave way to a eureka moment for the former slugger — if Oakland A's GM Billy Beane was willing to take a chance on players like Scott Hatteberg and Chad Bradford, surely he'd be open to signing a mentally unstable and admitted steroid-using 47-year-old who hasn't played in the Major Leagues in over a decade. And because Jose Canseco is alone in this world and doesn't understand how Twitter works, he reached out to Mr. Beane with his personal email address for everyone to see. So there you have it, folks. Your childhood dream of writing electronic messages directly to Jose Canseco has now been realized. Be careful how you wield this power.