Sally Mangina — Something tells us she'd prefer to have a Sally Penis.
Johnny Dickshot — Like Prince, he eventually changed his name to a symbol. (This: 8===D~~)
Chubby Cox — From what we hear, it's not the Chubbyness of the Cox, but how you use it.
Dick Pole — Redundant.
Dean Windass — Or "Windarse", as he's known in the UK.
Danny Shittu — Incidentally "SHITT-U" is also the nickname of Arizona State University.
JJ Putz — His parents named him this because they knew he'd one day grow that stupid soul patch.
Lucious Pusey — ....and his brother Sloppy-Roast-Beef-Looking.
Pete LaCock — "It's French! Leave me alone!"
Rusty Kuntz — AKA, "The K word."