As they say: "Dance on a treadmill like no one is watching. And videotaping."

 Ohhhh, so "SPOT ME!" means "dangle your balls on my chest erotically as I lift weights."

When will we rise above all this gym equipment-based misogyny?

No, dummy, you're supposed to crap in the sauna AFTER you workout.

If you want to look important talking on a cell phone at the gym, make sure it's not a StarTac.

The "Downward Facing Bro."

What are you, a Beverly Hills housewife? This is what you deserve for doing pilates.

It's like doing a Daily Jumble in the New York Times. 

In her younger days, Grandma modeled for gym wall silhouettes.

Ours only works in European "outlets." (Get it? Just kidding, ours doesn't work at all.)

The world's sluttiest plumber?

Growing cyber crops never takes a vacation. 

Welcome to Sisyphean Health & Fitness.