It is an irrefutable law of nature that wherever fun is being had, there is an equal and opposite amount of douchebag lawyer there to ruin it for everyone. Point in case: This 1974 letter from Akron attorney, Dale Cox, complaining about the very serious domestic terror threat of paper airplanes at Cleveland Browns games. Thankfully though, not all lawyers are facile jerkoffs, so desperate for the illusion of status and money that they'll forego any and all pleasure in life in order to obtain it. James Bailey, former General Counsel of the Cleveland Browns, is one such lawyer. Now bask in the light of his hilariously sarcastic glory.