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If this party is Caddyshack come to life, then this dork-burger's letter is Caddyshack 2 come to life. (Note: Pay special attention to the part where he begins with "I have heard," which was obviously edited down from the rough draft that began "This thing didn't happen to me or affect me in the slightest but still I want to complain about something because I'm an asshole.") Party foul, bro!