"It's all in the wrist. And forearm. And deltoids. And neck muscles. Oops, I broke it."
Yesterday, Mario Balotelli was a world-famous Italian soccer player no one (in America) had ever heard of. Then he took his shirt off and tried to look intimidating in the general direction of the German soccer team. Today, he is the Internet. Every once in a while, a professional athlete strikes a pose so profound, so honest, so mind-bogglingly stupid-looking that it transcends time and place to include anything Photoshop and the cretins who own it can imagine. This meme quickly generated hundreds of amateur attempts, and much like the specimens of humanity who made the photos, about 30% of them were racist, 30% were incomprehensible, 30% were just awful, and 99% of them were all three. Here is the 1% that cleared the incredibly high bar that is Jockular.
This season is all about light wool and grunting...
"And that tear-off jersey can be carried easily in Mario's bowling bag."
And the Balotelli goes to...
"This is for the real heroes: the photoshoppers."
Don't wash it with those white shorts...
"I just had to get out of that jersey! Whew! Anyone wanna go halfsies on delicates?"
Sunday in the stadium with George.
"Aw, nuts. I'm stuck in the mud. Get out and push with me, baby."
Up, down, up, down, a, b, photoshop...
Dammit. The third boss in Contra is so hard!
Sack up, bro...
This is the only photo so far where his look of intensity is appropriate.
Man at work...
Dammit, why do they only jackhammer when I'm asleep (which is when soccer is on)
They're rebooting this again?
"Mario, meet Quatto. Quatto, Mario. Mario and Quatto, meet Randy Quaid."
"I'm not going to look, I'm not going to look, I'm not going to look..."
Flexing like that just makes it harder to pee. Also, screw wherever this is.