"I'm doing this to make Prince Fielder angry enough to win."
If an article begins with "In John Kruk's defense", it probably already means John Kruk has embarrassed himself. BUT, in John Kruk's defense, someone left A HUGE RACK OF RIBS in front of him during a 2.5-hr sports event where people just hit over and over. A huge rack of ribs in Kansas City no less, the home of some of the country's best barbecue (we're not picking sides on barbecue, we're a sports-comedy blog, not a suicide cult). In fact, let's go ahead and give John Kruk a standing ovation for not getting any sauce on that sea-cucumber-and-lilac tie or touch-of-grey goatee. And can we discuss his finger-licking technique? I think this guy is going to take his table to the playoffs this year.