"I got it from here."

Pinkeye. Conjunctivitis. The silent embarrassor. A disease we've all had (when we were kids) and a disease we don't like to talk about, because it means that somehow, sometime, somewhere...stuff got from out butts to our eyes. How is that possible? God put butts really far away from eyes for two reasons: 1.) Most butts are not pleasant to look at (Ms. Walsh not included) and 2.) Pinkeye. Despite all this, somehow one-half of the United States' most important Olympic team has butt-in-eyeball disease. How could this happen? Simple: Kerri Walsh loves butt-touching way too much. Here are some of the leading butt-suspects in our first independent Jockular Buttvestigation:

SUSPECT #1: Misty May-Treanor
Motive: "I'm sick of Kerri touching my butt."

"AAAH I LOVE TOUCHING BUTTS!"
 

"Oh yeah. That's the butt. Right there." 
 

"Not now, Kerri. Please, we're playing!"
 

"Hey, could you stop touching her butt for a second and focus, please?"
 

"Dammit, Kerri! That's not my butt!"
 

"Ha ha! You're injured, so you can't stop me touching your butt! Ha ha!"
"So help me, God, I will get you for this, Kerri."
 

"Thank you for finally touching my butt."
"I am going to poke you in the eye later."
 

"Yes, congratulate me. That's it. Soon I will be the only real volleyball star on Earth."
 

Suspect #2: George W. Bush
Motive: "Heh. Butts. Heh heh."

"Mr. President, I'd be honored if you would touch my butt."