What's most interesting is we're only talking about ONE of these dicks.
For most of us, the phrase "that's not a boner!" calls to mind the awkward fold that pants can make when you sit down, usually in middle school (when, by the way, there was a good chance you actually had a boner underneath that awkward fold in your pants). For Henrik Rummel, US Olympic rower and gold medalist in the four-man coxless event (we kid you not, this picture of four dicks was from the four man coxless race), that's just something he apparently has to say over and over again because he is a large man in little shorts. That doesn't mean he still doesn't get self-conscious, because he took to the ultimate arbiter of Internet truth, Reddit, to defend himself:
On Reddit, the assumption is that most users have an erection all the time.
Despite Reddit's warm embrace of his erection, Mr. Rummel still wanted everyone to know that his John Thomas was even bigger than it appeared in spandex after hard exertion in cold water. Because Mr. Rummel is just the kind of guy who won't stop until someone gives him a medal. So he posted this picture to back up his claim that the comment defending his flaccidity did, indeed, come from him:
"Hi. I'm mystery smiling girl and I'm here to lend credibility to this man's huge weiner."
It's always a good idea to bring a gun to a knife fight, and when it comes to internet disputes about weiners, that gun is almost always a woman. A woman with a big, knowing, amused smile attached to a pretty face that says "yes. what this man says about his penis is true. All you nerds go home now, a woman is looking at you, and she's probably amused at the thought of your penises." As Kurt Vonnegut wrote about big penises, "you never know who's going to have one." Well, apparently old Kurt never looked at enough men in spandex, or he'd have a much better idea. We're not going to speculate about the fifth-dimensional proportions of their manhoods here, but that's still one more literary reference than you probably expected to see in a dick article. If you still have doubts about Mr. Rummel's Opus, head over to our counterparts at Deadspin.com, where a gay man will helpfully explain to any confused straight men that there are a lot of different types of ding-dongs out there. Well, that's probably all the ways we can cover this penis story, we sincerely hope you've enjoyed contemplating this Olympian's greatest achievement. We're going to go take a cold shower and then insist that we're a grower and not a shower.