Australia (#10 - 35 medals, 7 gold)
The Australian tourism board wants to remind you it's always Spring Break in some hemisphere.
Germany (#6 - 44 medals, 11 gold)
German sprinters never win because they prefer running exactly 10 seconds.
Japan (#11 - 38 medals, 7 gold)
Robotokyo will be competing against Cyberdubai to host the 2036 games.
Russia (#4 - 82 medals, 24 gold)
All the petrodollars in the world can't buy you friends. Not cool ones, anyway.
South Africa (#24 - 6 medals, 3 gold)
You still get the gold for overcoming horrific racial segregation policies, how 'bout that?
Saudi Arabia (#79 - 1 medal)
I guess they don't care about gold that isn't black and underground. Also, rights.
Canada (#36 - 18 medals, 1 gold)
Dozens of American friends were verbally assaulted over email.
Cameroon (no rank - no medals)
There are many different ways to win at the Olympics.
Ireland (#41 - 5 medals, 1 gold)
The Irish. Not the best athletes, but good at hitting with ladyfists and words.