...when you only saw one set of footprints, that's when I was watching you with your shirt off.

Is Christploitation a word? It is now, thanks to the Jets quarterback who is too chaste to pass his ball to his receiver, let alone a woman but not too chaste to tempt everyone else. The always-smiling Tebow cannot stop reminding us that if he weren't so good he'd be stealing your girl, and possibly guy. He has to know people are masturbating to this, right? Like, people who might not have masturbated today will now masturbate because of this image. This is the sexiest Christ pose outside of Rio de Janeiro's famous church, Our Lady of Graceful Curves. Apparently this photo was taken a long time ago, but so is most of the porn online and it doesn't seem to go stale. The rest of these photos are much more recent. We've also added a video of Tebow running shirtless in the rain. Because why not?

Oh, sorry. I was smelling my armpit but still somehow looking good.
 

Oh, hey. Now my other arm is up and my shirt is off. Seriously, people like my armpits.
 

We are humming the 'Terminator' theme to this to keep the 'Baywatch' theme out of our heads.