"Made the best picks we could based on 2012 stats and other players' moves. Good job, all!"
Fantasy Football, like life, begins with great promise for most people and then descends into an unending series of disappointments for all but a few lucky jerks. While most people never win the prize money, everyone can take home the most valuable prize of all: learning to deal with failure. Unlike in life, Fantasy Football makes you deal with your failure as it happens, week after week, driving home the reality of how bad your decisions are. For this reason, the stages of Fantasy Football run in a different order:
"I gave up all the top receivers so I could have Cam Newton. I don't deserve life."
"Nothing that annoying my friends, changing everything and losing more money can't fix!"
"My new QB Vick is hurt and I have no backup, but he'll be stronger than ever by next week!"
"CHEATERS! YOU ALL WENT TO TOM COUGHLIN'S HOUSE TO PLOT TO GET MY $25!"
Bonus stage: Forgetfulness
"You losers better join my Fantasy Baseball league so I can beat your asses again."