- posted 07/02/2012
"It's all in the wrist. And forearm. And deltoids. And neck muscles. Oops, I broke it."
Yesterday, Mario Balotelli was a world-famous Italian soccer player no one (in America) had ever heard of. Then he took his shirt off and tried to look intimidating in the general direction of the German soccer team. Today, he is the Internet. Every once in a while, a professional athlete strikes a pose so profound, so honest, so mind-bogglingly stupid-looking that it transcends time and place to include anything Photoshop and the cretins who own it can imagine. This meme quickly generated hundreds of amateur attempts, and much like the specimens of humanity who made the photos, about 30% of them were racist, 30% were incomprehensible, 30% were just awful, and 99% of them were all three. Here is the 1% that cleared the incredibly high bar that is Jockular.
- posted 09/11/2012
Sports are sweaty, full-contact, and for the most part played with equipment that resembles either a penis, a testicle or both. Thus, it's no surprise that players can easily find themselves featured in the sorts of compromising images one would normally have to hack an iPhone to find. Here are some of our favorites. Enjoy them. You deserve it.[ Via Gifulmination ]
- posted 07/03/2012
He later moved into a funhouse of mirrors so he could finally look normal.
So you've been chatting with a chick you met in the Craigslist Casual Encounters section. She wants to see pictures of the huge muscles you've been telling her you have and promises to send you some naughty shots if you oblige. The only problem? You may have exaggerated a bit about your "washboard abs" and "16 inch guns." Uh oh! Better bust out that copy of Photoshop you barely know how to use. She won't get suspicious if your muscles appear to defy the laws of nature, will she? Answer: Probably, but since she's really a dude she's willing let your little white lies go.
- posted 07/05/2012
Randy Raper — Raper, but not Rapist, which means he's an amateur. So that's something!
Not everyone can have parents who love and respect them — just ask US Men's Slow Pitch Softball coach, Randy Raper, whose horribly embarrassing last name is only outweighed by the fact that he coaches men's slow pitch softball. Here's our list of other athletes whose parents also hate them. Let us know if you see any more.
- posted 07/16/2012
When it comes to products that purport to make the average person run faster and jump higher despite the average person's embarrassing lack of athleticism and physical fitness, needless to say, bulls**t is what sells. But suppose for a minute that there were a brutally honest Don Draper out there just waiting to tell you the truth about the crap he was selling? What would that look like? Here are our best guesses.
- posted 06/15/2012
He even high-fives like a velociraptor.
Much is made about excessive celebration these days, but seldom do you year about excessive awkwardbration — and that's not just because we made it up 5 minutes ago! Awkwardbration is everywhere in sports, and, surprisingly, happens to fewer white people than you'd think (but still mostly white people). Here are more of the best examples of this hilarious phenomenon captured in animated GIF form.
- posted 08/17/2012
"A body in motion tends to stay in motion. Especially Prince Fielder's." - Isaac Newton
Prince Fielder is a walking physics lesson. That is to say, Prince Fielder is a wobbling, jiggling, steamrolling physics lesson. Although a primitive might think something as massive as Prince Fielder could only be powered by a magical source of extreme potency, modern chemistry and physics allow us to explain bodies in motion like planets and Prince Fielder. Prince Fielder is fat. We're not saying anything new here. Prince Fielder is delightfully fat. Amazingly, gloriously, and mysteriously athletically fat.
- posted 08/27/2012
Last one to the egg is a discarded potential person!
Bicycles. Are there any greater feats of human engineering? Yes, but bicycles are still pretty cool, and their basic design has remained the same since their invention in the 19th century - except for the ones owned by these morons, who think billions and billions of people somehow can't be right. Check out this parade of hubris from people thinking they've re-invented the wheels:
- posted 04/10/2012
If there's one thing spectators of live sporting events are eager to exercise — if not their own bodies — it's their right to publicly embarrass opposing coaches, players, the referees, fellow fans, and even ex-boyfriends with a well-placed piece of cardboard; a right for which they are paying more and more each year. And as the cost of ticket prices continues to go up, it's understandable that the number of hateful, homemade signs are increasing as well. Collected here are our favorite examples of these awesomely obnoxious signs of our times.
- posted 08/12/2012
Nobody wins here. Nobody.
In ancient times, the Greeks competed in the Olympics naked. This is because they weren't fooling themselves about how incredibly sexual having thousands of the most in-shape people on the planet rubbing and jiggling and grunting and thrusting their bodies around willy-nilly really is. Fortunately, we here at Jockular are not fooling ourselves either. That's why we blog completely in the nude, just as the ancient nerds did in their basements. Here are some of the best moments of recent Olympic history when the truly sensual nature of the Games broke through our modern corporate-Puritan shame filters.