- posted 09/11/2012
Sports are sweaty, full-contact, and for the most part played with equipment that resembles either a penis, a testicle or both. Thus, it's no surprise that players can easily find themselves featured in the sorts of compromising images one would normally have to hack an iPhone to find. Here are some of our favorites. Enjoy them. You deserve it.[ Via Gifulmination ]
- posted 07/05/2012
Randy Raper — Raper, but not Rapist, which means he's an amateur. So that's something!
Not everyone can have parents who love and respect them — just ask US Men's Slow Pitch Softball coach, Randy Raper, whose horribly embarrassing last name is only outweighed by the fact that he coaches men's slow pitch softball. Here's our list of other athletes whose parents also hate them. Let us know if you see any more.
- posted 08/12/2012
Nobody wins here. Nobody.
In ancient times, the Greeks competed in the Olympics naked. This is because they weren't fooling themselves about how incredibly sexual having thousands of the most in-shape people on the planet rubbing and jiggling and grunting and thrusting their bodies around willy-nilly really is. Fortunately, we here at Jockular are not fooling ourselves either. That's why we blog completely in the nude, just as the ancient nerds did in their basements. Here are some of the best moments of recent Olympic history when the truly sensual nature of the Games broke through our modern corporate-Puritan shame filters.
- posted 02/23/2012
Point Pleasant Big Blacks
Picking a decent high school mascot is difficult, especially when the classic school name + racial epithet formula faces increasing hostility. Some teams overcome the challenge of picking a likable symbol behind which to rally and some do not. Here's our list of schools which sadly do not.
- posted 04/28/2012
It is an irrefutable law of nature that wherever fun is being had, there is an equal and opposite amount of douchebag lawyer there to ruin it for everyone. Point in case: This 1974 letter from Akron attorney, Dale Cox, complaining about the very serious domestic terror threat of paper airplanes at Cleveland Browns games. Thankfully though, not all lawyers are facile jerkoffs, so desperate for the illusion of status and money that they'll forego any and all pleasure in life in order to obtain it. James Bailey, former General Counsel of the Cleveland Browns, is one such lawyer. Now bask in the light of his hilariously sarcastic glory.
- posted 08/17/2012
"A body in motion tends to stay in motion. Especially Prince Fielder's." - Isaac Newton
Prince Fielder is a walking physics lesson. That is to say, Prince Fielder is a wobbling, jiggling, steamrolling physics lesson. Although a primitive might think something as massive as Prince Fielder could only be powered by a magical source of extreme potency, modern chemistry and physics allow us to explain bodies in motion like planets and Prince Fielder. Prince Fielder is fat. We're not saying anything new here. Prince Fielder is delightfully fat. Amazingly, gloriously, and mysteriously athletically fat.
- posted 01/27/2012
Con? Blocks entire Super Bowl XLVI game.
Pro? Blocks entire Super Bowl XLVI halftime show.
(Lucas Oil Stadium, Indianapolis)
With ticket prices averaging a record $4,300 for Super Bowl XLVI, we thought we'd help you — the person who wastes money on going to the Super Bowl — figure out which seats give you the best bang for your way too many bucks. Our advice? You may want to steer clear of Lucas Oil Stadium, Section 231 (above). Oh, and since we'd prefer you sit uncomfortably at your desk and read the Internet rather than sit uncomfortably at a sporting event, here's a list of 11 other must avoid stadium seats...
- posted 06/15/2012
He even high-fives like a velociraptor.
Much is made about excessive celebration these days, but seldom do you year about excessive awkwardbration — and that's not just because we made it up 5 minutes ago! Awkwardbration is everywhere in sports, and, surprisingly, happens to fewer white people than you'd think (but still mostly white people). Here are more of the best examples of this hilarious phenomenon captured in animated GIF form.
- posted 07/02/2012
"It's all in the wrist. And forearm. And deltoids. And neck muscles. Oops, I broke it."
Yesterday, Mario Balotelli was a world-famous Italian soccer player no one (in America) had ever heard of. Then he took his shirt off and tried to look intimidating in the general direction of the German soccer team. Today, he is the Internet. Every once in a while, a professional athlete strikes a pose so profound, so honest, so mind-bogglingly stupid-looking that it transcends time and place to include anything Photoshop and the cretins who own it can imagine. This meme quickly generated hundreds of amateur attempts, and much like the specimens of humanity who made the photos, about 30% of them were racist, 30% were incomprehensible, 30% were just awful, and 99% of them were all three. Here is the 1% that cleared the incredibly high bar that is Jockular.
- posted 03/06/2012
Sharon Simmons, 55 - Dallas Cowboys (2012?)
Good news for football fans with a mature fetish: 55 year-old Sharon Simmons is trying out for the 2012 Dallas Cowboys cheerleading squad (there she is pictured above, in all her sinewy, sun-damaged glory). If she can successfully demonstrate her flexibility, stamina, and ability not to crap her hot pants during jump splits, Sharon will become the most chronologically advanced cheerleader in NFL history. But she wouldn't be the first MILF or GILF to earn a spot on a pro cheerleading roster. Here's a tasteful look at the 7 oldest and boldest ladies to ever grace the sidelines.