Sports are sweaty, full-contact, and for the most part played with equipment that resembles either a penis, a testicle or both. Thus, it's no surprise that players can easily find themselves featured in the sorts of compromising images one would normally have to hack an iPhone to find. Here are some of our favorites. Enjoy them. You deserve it. 

Nobody wins here. Nobody.

In ancient times, the Greeks competed in the Olympics naked. This is because they weren't fooling themselves about how incredibly sexual having thousands of the most in-shape people on the planet rubbing and jiggling and grunting and thrusting their bodies around willy-nilly really is. Fortunately, we here at Jockular are not fooling ourselves either. That's why we blog completely in the nude, just as the ancient nerds did in their basements. Here are some of the best moments of recent Olympic history when the truly sensual nature of the Games broke through our modern corporate-Puritan shame filters.

Randy Raper — Raper, but not Rapist, which means he's an amateur. So that's something!

Not everyone can have parents who love and respect them — just ask US Men's Slow Pitch Softball coach, Randy Raper, whose horribly embarrassing last name is only outweighed by the fact that he coaches men's slow pitch softball. Here's our list of other athletes whose parents also hate them. Let us know if you see any more. 

Point Pleasant Big Blacks

Picking a decent high school mascot is difficult, especially when the classic school name + racial epithet formula faces increasing hostility. Some teams overcome the challenge of picking a likable symbol behind which to rally and some do not. Here's our list of schools which sadly do not.

When it comes to products that purport to make the average person run faster and jump higher despite the average person's embarrassing lack of athleticism and physical fitness, needless to say, bulls**t is what sells. But suppose for a minute that there were a brutally honest Don Draper out there just waiting to tell you the truth about the crap he was selling? What would that look like? Here are our best guesses. 

We are ostensibly a sports blog, covering sports-related topics. Luckily, this correspondence between a USC frat bro and a witty Craigslist troll can be considered moderately sports-related. We can't verify for sure, but this might be the funniest email exchange that invokes switch-hitting utility infielder Nick Punto ever written. The discerning reader will also notice the slyest of references to a certain Patriots running back. Take a minute to really enjoy this one.

If there's one thing spectators of live sporting events are eager to exercise — if not their own bodies — it's their right to publicly embarrass opposing coaches, players, the referees, fellow fans, and even ex-boyfriends with a well-placed piece of cardboard; a right for which they are paying more and more each year. And as the cost of ticket prices continues to go up, it's understandable that the number of hateful, homemade signs are increasing as well. Collected here are our favorite examples of these awesomely obnoxious signs of our times.

The Internet may be the number one destination for making fun of sports, but television is still the preferred medium for watching them. Where the two intersect is this hilarious collection of sports screen grabs, resulting from sloppy copyediting or expertly timed DVRing.  We can't possibly keep up with the multitude of TV mishaps ourselves, but thankfully the eagle-eyed citizen journalists of the world are always at the ready, remote in one hand and camera in the other, to capture these special moments for our collective enjoyment and head-shaking. Pitch in and do your part, and let us know if you see any more.

Two equally as balding assholes.

The great thing about a doppelganger — the German word for "OMG! You know who you look like?" — is that once we point one out to you, you'll never be able to unsee it. That's right, we're in your heads right now. Planting seeds. Enjoy it. Enjoy our seeds.