After winning his first Super Bowl on Sunday, Giants linebacker Greg Jones surprised his girlfriend of 2 years with a diamond engagement ring and his mother of 23 years with the fact that he's actually marrying that bitch. Or at least that's what pictures of the joyous event seem to indicate. As you can see, Jones' mother (the one in the #53 jersey that isn't Greg Jones or the crying white girl) is doing her best to make sure that everyone knows she doesn't approve of his son's choice in a bride, presuambly because she isn't Jewish.

Victoria Poon (Swimming) 
Fortunately, "Victorious Poon" works for defeating swimmers and weiners.

It's clear that these Olympians were always destined for greatness, whether in the arena of sports or the far more exciting arena of professional having-sex-on-camera. Both require honing your body for the particular needs of your event. Gymnasts are always 5'3" or smaller with a slightly stocky build. Titanic Jug Bunnies have very stringent requirements, although performance enhancing implants are widely suspected and encouraged. Female weightlifting is, of course, both things at once. So whether or not these athletes win gold this summer, they've already captured our hearts. And by hearts we mean naked in our imaginations.

Remember kids, only YOU can prevent baseball fires. 

In high school jocks were the cool kids. Or at least we thought they were until we came back to visit our parents once after college and saw them getting chewed out by their managers at Best Buy for filing The Beatles Anthology under "T" instead of "B."  That and when we saw these 10 utterly pathetic senior pictures. Enjoy!

Sportswriters have it tough. When they're not pulling all-nighters following a late game in a race against old media's publication deadlines, they're scrambling to update a blog post with breaking news before the next guy tweets it first. They're also dealing with athlete surnames that can literally write their own dick jokes. It's an award-winning recipe for failure, and fail these headlines have in the most weirdly sexual ways. We've compiled the best examples of these hilariously unfortunate headlines.

A team photograph is meant to memorialize the effort of coming together to achieve a common goal. However, on occasion it can memorialize some of the most unintentionally awkward camera angles, ill-conceived team names and embarassing accidents everyone on the team would just as soon forget.

United States of America (#1 - 104 medals, 46 gold)

We really needed all that gold. Thanks for helping our debt, Mr. Phelps!

We're all sad to see the Olympics fade into the mists of Bob Costas-narrated memory, but more than individual people, it is the nations themselves that are sad to see the Games end. For once, we were not the hyper-individualized stars of the Internet we have all convinced ourselves we are - we were part of a much larger Facebook group: our country. Here we've "favorited" (get it?) some of the best tweets from those nation-states that made the 2012 Olympics so special.

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There's only one way to find out if this posting is real or not, and that's to start negotiating with this fellow immediately.

UPDATE: The Craigslist ad has been removed, presumably because someone purchased the tickets.

It is an irrefutable law of nature that wherever fun is being had, there is an equal and opposite amount of douchebag lawyer there to ruin it for everyone. Point in case: This 1974 letter from Akron attorney, Dale Cox, complaining about the very serious domestic terror threat of paper airplanes at Cleveland Browns games. Thankfully though, not all lawyers are facile jerkoffs, so desperate for the illusion of status and money that they'll forego any and all pleasure in life in order to obtain it. James Bailey, former General Counsel of the Cleveland Browns, is one such lawyer. Now bask in the light of his hilariously sarcastic glory. 

Pretty much guaranteed to keep your bike safe unless the thief is a nymphomaniac or your mom.