Sportswriters have it tough. When they're not pulling all-nighters following a late game in a race against old media's publication deadlines, they're scrambling to update a blog post with breaking news before the next guy tweets it first. They're also dealing with athlete surnames that can literally write their own dick jokes. It's an award-winning recipe for failure, and fail these headlines have in the most weirdly sexual ways. We've compiled the best examples of these hilariously unfortunate headlines.

Remember kids, only YOU can prevent baseball fires. 

In high school jocks were the cool kids. Or at least we thought they were until we came back to visit our parents once after college and saw them getting chewed out by their managers at Best Buy for filing The Beatles Anthology under "T" instead of "B."  That and when we saw these 10 utterly pathetic senior pictures. Enjoy!

A team photograph is meant to memorialize the effort of coming together to achieve a common goal. However, on occasion it can memorialize some of the most unintentionally awkward camera angles, ill-conceived team names and embarassing accidents everyone on the team would just as soon forget.

1. Acceptance
"Made the best picks we could based on 2012 stats and other players' moves. Good job, all!"

Fantasy Football, like life, begins with great promise for most people and then descends into an unending series of disappointments for all but a few lucky jerks. While most people never win the prize money, everyone can take home the most valuable prize of all: learning to deal with failure. Unlike in life, Fantasy Football makes you deal with your failure as it happens, week after week, driving home the reality of how bad your decisions are. For this reason, the stages of Fantasy Football run in a different order:

Not to add insult, but this basically imples that the woman looks and smells like garbage.  

It's easy to think of excuses for avoiding your morning run— "It's too cold," "It's too hot," "I just ate," "I don't know where my running shoes are because I haven't used them in years" — but in case you find your your supply of flimsy justifications rapidly depleting, here are eleven solid reasons for never, ever jogging again.

Probably because they don't spend most of their time talking about how they do yoga, animals seem better at it than us, even without all that fancy yoga equipment we spend too much money on. Here are a few embarrassingly cute examples.

Actually, what's amazing is that this ad copywriter doesn't seem to know what "The Shocker" is. It's like, come on bro, were you even in a fraternity? 

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The badminton world is still reeling from the unprecedented match-throwing incident at the London Olympics, in which 8 players from the Chinese, South Korean and Indonesian teams were disqualified for intentionally sucking in order to get an easier match in the next round. But you don't need to worry about having to waste time and energy sucking with the new, official, E-Z-Lose Official Badminton Racquet. Finally, a badminton racquet that lets you give up any point without all the hassle of using your years of training to aim shots at the net and ground. Grab onto the low-down, dirty, cheating Olympic spirit with this wonderful new invention.