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When you look at someone's Fantasy team, you are looking into their soul. Their underinformed, unprepared, unlucky and unlikely-to-win soul. Does your friend talk about football all the time? Then he probably thought way too hard about it and picked obscure nobodies who are sure to "break out" this year. Is your friend the guy who sarcastically badmouths football while changing his bench every week? Look at his roster and his conflicted shame will become clear. Is your friend a moron? He will probably win. But if you're a more or less normal person (more or less) your roster may look something like this.

This tweet great. job. whit all our respect. you. look. dumb. congrats. to. you.

Ozzie Guillen is an inspirational figure who taught us that a Spanish-speaking immigrant from Venezuela can still be just as incoherent as someone born right here in America. The first Latino manager to win the World Series, this is not the first time Guillen has engaged in the proud American tradition of saying stupid things; he once praised Fidel Castro saying, "I love Castro...you know why? Because people have been trying to kill him for 60 years and that mother****er is still there." Now that's the kind of dumbassery the pasttime of America should be about.

It's that time of year again — the time when former jocks relive their glory days, normal people play a game because they are bored, and nerds complain that people are enjoying something that's not nerdy. It's bigger than ever, it's banned at work, it's something no one wants to hear about in polite conversation... it's Fantasy Fooball season!

1. Acceptance
"Made the best picks we could based on 2012 stats and other players' moves. Good job, all!"

Fantasy Football, like life, begins with great promise for most people and then descends into an unending series of disappointments for all but a few lucky jerks. While most people never win the prize money, everyone can take home the most valuable prize of all: learning to deal with failure. Unlike in life, Fantasy Football makes you deal with your failure as it happens, week after week, driving home the reality of how bad your decisions are. For this reason, the stages of Fantasy Football run in a different order:

Everyone should ride Ashley at least once.

Pure joy, escapism, thrills and fun food. That's what a theme park is all about. Oh, also disgruntled employees, thousands of customers with IQs so low you have to warn them not to stand in front of moving roller coasters, children (filthy, filthy children), and infinite possibilities for typos, accidental and intentional sexual innuendo, and just overall impatience and hatred towards humanity. All in sign form!

One of the few places left on earth with real wild dildos.

Ah, the outdoors. Unspoiled nature, wild animals, and absolutely no one around to say "hey, that sign makes it sound like everyone around here is giving out free fellatio." It's that kind of unspoiled innocence that has led to the idiotic signs you see here. Save yourself some gas and let us take you on a vacation through the dumbest spots Nature has to offer: