Somewhere on the laziness scale between writing "Happy Birthday" on a Facebook Wall and taking the effort to lick a Christmas card stamp lies the act of handing out bulk Valentine's cards. Luckily for you and that special sports fan in your life, Jockular has made searching for these generic tokens of affection a bit easier by compiling the best athlete-issued Valentine's around.

They knew they could never finger him individually, so they had to team up.

Being turned in by your teammates like this must feel like a massive violation. But if these allegations are true, we don't really feel sympathy for anyone, whether they're the fingerer or fingeree. Lance may well have convinced the whole team to do 'roids with him so that it would be harder for them to rat him out, but take 'roids they did. Or eleven people are lying for some bizarre reason to destroy their entire team's accomplishment and their friend and leader. That would be way beyond fingering though. That would be f***ed.

If only real QBs were this articulate... (full convo below)

For political nerds, there's the Presidential Debates. For slightly less political nerds, there was last night's debate between Jon Stewart and Bill O'Reilly. But for the jocks out there...here's a totally fake Facebook trash-talk session between all the QBs in the NFL. It's so exciting, it almost makes you forget that their actual conversations are probably about boats and investment funds. Also, how much those replacement refs sucked. And how much Philip Rivers sucks.

That's heroin, right? We're Internet nerds, so don't ask us.

First, an obligitory display of minimal ethics: LeBron James is not really endorsing this heroin. These were found on a 19-year-old Philly drug dealer named Marlon Guess, as in "Marlon guessed it was a good idea to make his heroin brand way more noticeable than everyone else's." How much does LeBron go for? $750 for 140 packets (no, we have no idea how many "heroin doses" are in a "packet"). So that little baggie up there costs roughly $5.36, or about 1/56th the price of a pair of LeBron James sneakers. So how high does LeBron get you? Probably about as high as heroin.

Just like Rush Limbaugh warned. Our universities are left-of-center.

Hey, we're not the kind of people who would randomly crap on the University of Minnesota at Crookston. We would only crap on the University of Minnesota at Crookston if we had a really good reason. Like a midfield logo mistake that makes everyone associated with that logo look about 5 yards dumber. The execution? Flawless. Spans 10 yards perfectly. Frankly, it's a little closer to the side closest to whomever was taking the picture, but we'll let it slide compared to the huge lateral error. This is just making everyone look bad, UM Crookston. I mean, c'mon, what is this, the University of Wisconsin at Eau Claire?

Who would even touch that ball with a bat, knowing where his hands have been?

Wow, nine straight batters? That's pretty impressive. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that all nine batters were vomiting uncontrollably, knowing their ball was being fondled by Dog Fister. They say he does it because he claims it gives him a better grip. No one has ever seen him do it, but let's just say there aren't anymore stray dogs hanging around the Tigers' ballpark.

This is the same map as for the question, "Do you mind the smell of cheddar farts?"

After the botched ending to the Packers-Seahawks game this Monday, everyone in the country seems to agree that the NFL owners should cough up some dough and let the real referees get back to work. However, most people still feel like it must be hard for these amateur refs who were suddenly thrust onto the most high-pressure stage outside of the presidential race. Except for Wisconsonites, who are far more agreed on the need to murder replacement refs than they are on whether public employee's wages can rise as fast as inflation.

The Saints are going to have to dig deep into themselves to bring the heat this year.

Replacement refs, the election, the economy. There are a lot of reasons the 2012 football season seems to be one of the most lackluster in memory. Is there still fire? Yes. Is that fire still in players' bellies? Hell yes, and it's time to come out. Let's hope the rest of the NFL follows the Saints' lead and the rest of this season finishes with a huge, explosive, gut-level bang. A smelly bang.

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