If you weren't terrified of China before, let this reading exercise from what we can only assume is part of a central intelligence training manual change your mind. As you can clearly see, the Chinese have got our number, and in all likelihood are going to use this information about our love of beer to not only pacify us into letting them win at basketball, but to eventually get us to hand over our entire country. So please, for America's sake, learn to resist the sirens' frost-brewed call, or start boning up on your Mandarin.