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Photoshopper wins gold medal in imagining what Olympic divers look like while crapping.
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Ozzie Guillen
michelle obama great. job. and. whit all my. respect she. look. great. congrats. to. her.
Johnny McNulty
Fundamentalists are right when they say the Fantasy genre is anti-Christian, since no one ever picks Tim Tebow.
Kevin Seccia
First fantasy football draft tonight! Don't know much about it but I'll be in full chain mail armor and will try to get all the unicorns!!
Michelle Wolf
My fantasy football team is where we're at a party and they say "you're funny and smart, I want to love you forever." Am I doing this right?
Jon Friedman
I play fantasy football because it is my fantasy to play football.
Alex Scordelis
Hey, who wants to hear about my fantasy football team? *the sound of everyone unfollowing me at once*
Jensen Karp
The real fantasy in my football league is that the other dudes w/ teams wouldn't have bullied me in middle school.
Ben Swanson
Fantasy Football draft! As usual, football made out of boobs goes No. 1 overall. #FantasyFootball
Aaron Fullerton
I'm a little nervous, I picked "humility" and "good sportsmanship" for my fantasy football team.
Rex Huppke
My fantasy football draft is tonight. Hoping to nab Tom Brady, a Minotaur, Jesus (with laser gun) and Paul Ryan's abs.
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Just a heads up that I'm starting my summer diet which has probably ended by the time you're reading this.
The only thing I like taking off more than Summer Fridays is your bathing suit.
I hope the new season of Arrested Development lives up to your expectations of being the best thing that's ever happened in your entire life.
May you live to be so old that your driving terrifies people.
If you were Jesus, today would be Christmas.
Let's kick off summer with a holiday weekend that isn't warm enough for summer activities.
Let's spend Memorial Day weekend honoring a fallen sitcom that's back with 15 new episodes.
However old you are is the new 30.
Love Coupon: Good for one back massage I'll immediately try and turn into sex.
This Memorial Day weekend, I'd rather someone share their Netflix password with me than their beach house.
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