Nobody wins here. Nobody.

In ancient times, the Greeks competed in the Olympics naked. This is because they weren't fooling themselves about how incredibly sexual having thousands of the most in-shape people on the planet rubbing and jiggling and grunting and thrusting their bodies around willy-nilly really is. Fortunately, we here at Jockular are not fooling ourselves either. That's why we blog completely in the nude, just as the ancient nerds did in their basements. Here are some of the best moments of recent Olympic history when the truly sensual nature of the Games broke through our modern corporate-Puritan shame filters.