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The Fake ESPN
@TheFakeESPN
Petrino's girlfriend was offered a 1st class ticket out of Arkansas. She declined, stating "I only ride coach!"
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New sports moments even more awkwardly erotic than the porn you're watching.
London Olympics
New Olympic photos even more awkwardly erotic than the porn you just finished watching.
London Olympics
Photoshopper wins gold medal in imagining what Olympic divers look like while crapping.
Names
More of the worst human names in sports history.
Health & Fitness
More dudes who are even worse at Photoshopping muscle than they are at building it.
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Whiffleball
Insane whiffleball pitcher shows just how many ways other people are more talented than you.
Tennis
See how not to take out your aggression on a tennis court.
Baseball
Johan Santana's no-hitter followed by post-game interview with teammate's penis.
Basketball
Overly sensitive basketball announcer initiates one of the most awkward moments in television history.
Hockey
Boob-crazed cameraman does the double take of the century.
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Ozzie Guillen
michelle obama great. job. and. whit all my. respect she. look. great. congrats. to. her.
Johnny McNulty
Fundamentalists are right when they say the Fantasy genre is anti-Christian, since no one ever picks Tim Tebow.
Kevin Seccia
First fantasy football draft tonight! Don't know much about it but I'll be in full chain mail armor and will try to get all the unicorns!!
Michelle Wolf
My fantasy football team is where we're at a party and they say "you're funny and smart, I want to love you forever." Am I doing this right?
Jon Friedman
I play fantasy football because it is my fantasy to play football.
Alex Scordelis
Hey, who wants to hear about my fantasy football team? *the sound of everyone unfollowing me at once*
Jensen Karp
The real fantasy in my football league is that the other dudes w/ teams wouldn't have bullied me in middle school.
Ben Swanson
Fantasy Football draft! As usual, football made out of boobs goes No. 1 overall. #FantasyFootball
Aaron Fullerton
I'm a little nervous, I picked "humility" and "good sportsmanship" for my fantasy football team.
Rex Huppke
My fantasy football draft is tonight. Hoping to nab Tom Brady, a Minotaur, Jesus (with laser gun) and Paul Ryan's abs.
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Just a heads up that I'm starting my summer diet which has probably ended by the time you're reading this.
Let's commemorate our departed WWII veterans by eating German frankfurters and Italian sausages.
Happy birthday to one of the few people whose birthday I can remember without a Facebook reminder.
May you live to be so old that your driving terrifies people.
Love Coupon: Good for one back massage I'll immediately try and turn into sex.
At least you're not as old as you will be next year.
Just wanted to be the first one to wish you a happy birthday so I can feel superior to your other well-wishers.
If you were Jesus, today would be Christmas.
However old you are is the new 30.
Not remembering where I set my drink down must be the same feeling parents have when they lose their 4-year-old at the mall.
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Un-Airconditioned Sex
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