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JOCKULAR ORIGINAL
07/16/2012
More honest ads for your pointless athletic gear.
When it comes to products that purport to make the average person run faster and jump higher despite the average person's embarrassing lack of athleticism and physical fitness, needless to say,...
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JOCKULAR ORIGINAL
08/13/2012
What it would look like if countries tweeted their final goodbyes to the 2012 Olympics.
United States of America (#1 - 104 medals, 46 gold)We really needed all that gold. Thanks for helping our debt, Mr. Phelps!We're all sad to see the Olympics fade into the mists of Bob...
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JOCKULAR ORIGINAL
05/18/2012
Honest slogans for professional sports.
When organized sports associations aren't busy dolling out suspensions and federally prosecuting people who rebroadcast games without express written consent, they spend a healthy amount of time...
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JOCKULAR ORIGINAL
08/29/2012
Honest packaging for the sports video games you waste your time and money on.
It also teaches you that in his early days, Mario had to moonlight as a referee to make cash.Sports video games promise a lot: the opportunity to feel like you're taking part in real-world...
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JOCKULAR ORIGINAL
08/22/2012
Diagram shows what $315 worth of LeBron's obnoxious new sneakers will really buy you.
<CLICK IMAGE TO ENLARGE>Like the advent of the dunk, the expensive basketball shoe changed the game forever. In that the name of the game became selling a shoe off your fame. Lame. LeBron...
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JOCKULAR ORIGINAL
08/03/2012
What it would look like if Michael Phelps and Ryan Lochte had live-tweeted their epic race last week.
(Read from bottom to top. You know, like on Twitter.)Many people were impressed that Tyler Clary was able to use the NBC tape delay to live-tweet his gold-medal race against Ryan Lochte, but...
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JOCKULAR ORIGINAL
08/01/2012
New product lets you play half-assed badminton like an Olympian.
The badminton world is still reeling from the unprecedented match-throwing incident at the London Olympics, in which 8 players from the Chinese, South Korean and Indonesian teams were disqualified...
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JOCKULAR ORIGINAL
09/05/2012
What it would look like if your fantasy football roster was honest.
<CLICK TO ENLARGE>When you look at someone's Fantasy team, you are looking into their soul. Their underinformed, unprepared, unlucky and unlikely-to-win soul. Does your friend talk about...
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JOCKULAR ORIGINAL
09/04/2012
The five stages of fantasy football grief.
1. Acceptance"Made the best picks we could based on 2012 stats and other players' moves. Good job, all!"Fantasy Football, like life, begins with great promise for most people and...
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JOCKULAR ORIGINAL
08/22/2012
6 incredibly sexist modifications you'd expect Augusta National to make for new female members.
"We just want you to feel as comfortable as possible. This is what you like, right?"Augusta National Golf Club, home of the Masters and the last great hope of sexists everywhere, invited...
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Chinese textbook offers hilariously stereotypical description of every American.
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New sports moments even more awkwardly erotic than the porn you're watching.
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Playoff picture.
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New Olympic photos even more awkwardly erotic than the porn you just finished watching.
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More of the worst human names in sports history.
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How to make a professional basketball player look like Peter Dinklage in comparison.
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The 9 most gloriously obese gifs of Prince Fielder.
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The 16 best Mario Balotelli meme pictures you'll see in this list.
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Outstanding response from world's most awesome lawyer to world's most annoying lawyer.
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12 high school mascots even more offensive than America's educational system.
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Ozzie Guillen
michelle obama great. job. and. whit all my. respect she. look. great. congrats. to. her.
Johnny McNulty
Fundamentalists are right when they say the Fantasy genre is anti-Christian, since no one ever picks Tim Tebow.
Kevin Seccia
First fantasy football draft tonight! Don't know much about it but I'll be in full chain mail armor and will try to get all the unicorns!!
Michelle Wolf
My fantasy football team is where we're at a party and they say "you're funny and smart, I want to love you forever." Am I doing this right?
Jon Friedman
I play fantasy football because it is my fantasy to play football.
Alex Scordelis
Hey, who wants to hear about my fantasy football team? *the sound of everyone unfollowing me at once*
Jensen Karp
The real fantasy in my football league is that the other dudes w/ teams wouldn't have bullied me in middle school.
Ben Swanson
Fantasy Football draft! As usual, football made out of boobs goes No. 1 overall. #FantasyFootball
Aaron Fullerton
I'm a little nervous, I picked "humility" and "good sportsmanship" for my fantasy football team.
Rex Huppke
My fantasy football draft is tonight. Hoping to nab Tom Brady, a Minotaur, Jesus (with laser gun) and Paul Ryan's abs.
Ted Berg
Hey do you guys know if there's anyplace on the Internet or TV I can get tips and information regarding fantasy football?
Jen Statsky
So psyched it's (No I don't want to join your) Fantasy Football league season again!
Not Charles Barkley
MLB players, Lance Armstrong, and now Jersey Shore. It definitely don't pay to be takin them steroids.
Dan McQuade
It's kind of comforting that Phillies-Mets games have returned to their natural state of two bad teams playing each other.
Alex Mann
Fantasy football somehow makes having an argument with a teenager on a message board feel appropriate.
scharpling
I'm eating at a place where the guy in the next booth was legitimately laughing at a Michael Jordan underwear commercial.
Matt Goldich
I try to shower immediately after doing something gross like showering at the gym.
Seth Meyers
I can't believe Bartolo Colon got suspended for being 50.
Peyton's Head
For $350, I'm assuming Lebron's new Nikes come with your own child laborer.
Joe Praino
A newborn's soft spot #thingsmoredurablethanMikeVick
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I actually miss you.
May your summer birthday be less hot and sticky than the moment of your birth.
However old you are is the new 30.
Happy birthday to someone I hope is my friend even when we're too senile to remember each other's birthdays.
Happy birthday to one of the few people whose birthday I can remember without a Facebook reminder.
I can't believe it's already been a year since the last time I didn't buy you anything for your birthday.
Happy 24 Hours of Constant Facebook Notifications Day.
Love Coupon: Good for one back massage I'll immediately try and turn into sex.
May you live long enough to shit yourself.
I'm lost and weird without you here.
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