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BASEBALL
06/20/2012
Baseball announcer's sudden onslaught of nonsense makes baseball game briefly interesting to watch.
Dave Barnett has been a baseball play-by-play man for decades, and last night night during the 8th inning of a ho-hum Rangers/Padres interleague contest, he just couldn't take it anymore. That,...
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BASKETBALL
06/18/2012
Why you shouldn't plan extramarital affairs with coworkers on live TV.
For the very latest from downtown Miami, let's go now to two married ESPN analysts whose hormones are flaring in the Florida sun. What can we tell from their report? Between now and next Monday,...
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BASKETBALL
04/04/2012
Pro basketball player trolls live news piece about himself.
What was Joakim Noah thinking when he noticed a TV camera on his way out of United Center after last night's game? Probably something like, "Oh cool! Hey look I'm on TV! Yay! Wait, hold...
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BASKETBALL
04/03/2012
How to guarantee an F-bomb on live TV.
You want a fine from the FCC? We can get you a fine from the FCC. Just send us to downtown Lexington following Kentucky's NCAA tournament win and ask a drunk Wildcats fan how he's feeling.
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PEYTON
03/19/2012
Why you shouldn't be on live TV when hearing Peyton Manning didn't sign with your team.
The news that Peyton Manning intends to sign with the Denver Broncos is hitting everyone outside of the Colorado state lines pretty hard, especially those in nearby Arizona where Peyton was rumored...
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FOOTBALL
12/19/2011
Unmanned golf cart hits better than losing football team.
We should have guessed that the rise of the machines would have somehow been facilitated by Jerry Jones. Following a high school football game at Cowboys Stadium, an unmanned electric golf cart took...
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FOOTBALL
12/19/2011
See the St. Louis Rams game that's too hot for TV.
It's easy to forget that for NFL players, football is a job. And just like any overburdened employee forced to come in on a Sunday, the stress of the workplace can sometimes get to a man....
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Ozzie Guillen
michelle obama great. job. and. whit all my. respect she. look. great. congrats. to. her.
Johnny McNulty
Fundamentalists are right when they say the Fantasy genre is anti-Christian, since no one ever picks Tim Tebow.
Kevin Seccia
First fantasy football draft tonight! Don't know much about it but I'll be in full chain mail armor and will try to get all the unicorns!!
Michelle Wolf
My fantasy football team is where we're at a party and they say "you're funny and smart, I want to love you forever." Am I doing this right?
Jon Friedman
I play fantasy football because it is my fantasy to play football.
Alex Scordelis
Hey, who wants to hear about my fantasy football team? *the sound of everyone unfollowing me at once*
Jensen Karp
The real fantasy in my football league is that the other dudes w/ teams wouldn't have bullied me in middle school.
Ben Swanson
Fantasy Football draft! As usual, football made out of boobs goes No. 1 overall. #FantasyFootball
Aaron Fullerton
I'm a little nervous, I picked "humility" and "good sportsmanship" for my fantasy football team.
Rex Huppke
My fantasy football draft is tonight. Hoping to nab Tom Brady, a Minotaur, Jesus (with laser gun) and Paul Ryan's abs.
Ted Berg
Hey do you guys know if there's anyplace on the Internet or TV I can get tips and information regarding fantasy football?
Jen Statsky
So psyched it's (No I don't want to join your) Fantasy Football league season again!
Not Charles Barkley
MLB players, Lance Armstrong, and now Jersey Shore. It definitely don't pay to be takin them steroids.
Dan McQuade
It's kind of comforting that Phillies-Mets games have returned to their natural state of two bad teams playing each other.
Alex Mann
Fantasy football somehow makes having an argument with a teenager on a message board feel appropriate.
scharpling
I'm eating at a place where the guy in the next booth was legitimately laughing at a Michael Jordan underwear commercial.
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May you live to be so old that your driving terrifies people.
If you were Jesus, today would be Christmas.
Happy birthday to someone I hope is my friend even when we're too senile to remember each other's birthdays.
However old you are is the new 30.
You're my favorite person to check for ticks.
Happy birthday to one of the few people whose birthday I can remember without a Facebook reminder.
I need a vacation from my vacation spent worrying about my dog in the kennel.
Your birthday is a painful reminder of how old I'm getting.
Just wanted to be the first one to wish you a happy birthday so I can feel superior to your other well-wishers.
I'm not making any age-related jokes because I genuinely feel bad about how old you are.
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