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Jockular
Olympics 2012
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SWIMMING
08/27/2012
Ryan Lochte's sister sets world record in offending an entire race.
"I live in a post-racial era in my mind where I rhyme Chinese with sinks & people love me."Our first question here should really be "why is Ryan Lochte's sister randomly...
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JOCKULAR ORIGINAL
08/13/2012
What it would look like if countries tweeted their final goodbyes to the 2012 Olympics.
United States of America (#1 - 104 medals, 46 gold)We really needed all that gold. Thanks for helping our debt, Mr. Phelps!We're all sad to see the Olympics fade into the mists of Bob...
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LONDON OLYMPICS
08/12/2012
New Olympic photos even more awkwardly erotic than the porn you just finished watching.
This means it's a draw right?In ancient times, the Greeks competed in the Olympics naked. This is because they weren't fooling themselves about how incredibly sexual having thousands of...
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LONDON OLYMPICS
08/09/2012
Ignorant ESPN UK host calls Ireland 'a joke' for not playing with the rest of Britain.
Hello, I'm Russell Barwick and I've just volunteered to have my ass kicked by this lady."Ireland is a joke for not joining team GB. It's a whole Irish joke. It just makes no...
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SOMEECARDS
08/09/2012
U.S. Women's Soccer Team wins gold!
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LONDON OLYMPICS
08/09/2012
The only non-erotic way to watch Women's Beach Volleyball.
Oh, they're throwing a ball back and forth over the net! Now we see.Boy, beach volleyball has been a lot of fun to watch at the Olympics. The only problem is it's very hard to watch the...
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OLYMPICS
08/09/2012
Ryan Lochte offers in-depth training on how to pee in pools.
Lochte hasn't had to not laugh this hard since we all thought he boned his sister this week.Let's give some props to Ryan Lochte for having what seems to be a pretty good sense of humor...
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LONDON OLYMPICS
08/08/2012
Olympic events for frighteningly lonely losers.
Sport. Pure sport. Virginally pure sport. Eternally virginally pure sport. This man is lonely.Genius often requires isolation. For everyone's sake, we hope no one ever befriends this man or...
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LONDON OLYMPICS
08/07/2012
The stupidest, creepiest, and/or most hazardous Olympic Etsy items.
Melissa Mesenbring gives Michael Phelps the Damien Hirst treatment.There are professional sports, and then there are the Olympics - pure, amateur, drug-free, unsullied. There are professional...
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LONDON OLYMPICS
08/07/2012
Argentina wins gold medal in nut-punching.
In the Southern Hemisphere, low blows are reversed. Do NOT touch their bellybuttons.Let's put ourselves in the Argentinians' shoes: You come from a snobby little country that both tries to...
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New sports moments even more awkwardly erotic than the porn you're watching.
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London Olympics
Photoshopper wins gold medal in imagining what Olympic divers look like while crapping.
London Olympics
New Olympic photos even more awkwardly erotic than the porn you just finished watching.
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Whiffleball
Insane whiffleball pitcher shows just how many ways other people are more talented than you.
Tennis
See how not to take out your aggression on a tennis court.
Hockey
Boob-crazed cameraman does the double take of the century.
Basketball
Overly sensitive basketball announcer initiates one of the most awkward moments in television history.
Baseball
Johan Santana's no-hitter followed by post-game interview with teammate's penis.
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See the one nutshot we're not above posting.
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Ozzie Guillen
michelle obama great. job. and. whit all my. respect she. look. great. congrats. to. her.
Johnny McNulty
Fundamentalists are right when they say the Fantasy genre is anti-Christian, since no one ever picks Tim Tebow.
Kevin Seccia
First fantasy football draft tonight! Don't know much about it but I'll be in full chain mail armor and will try to get all the unicorns!!
Michelle Wolf
My fantasy football team is where we're at a party and they say "you're funny and smart, I want to love you forever." Am I doing this right?
Jon Friedman
I play fantasy football because it is my fantasy to play football.
Alex Scordelis
Hey, who wants to hear about my fantasy football team? *the sound of everyone unfollowing me at once*
Jensen Karp
The real fantasy in my football league is that the other dudes w/ teams wouldn't have bullied me in middle school.
Ben Swanson
Fantasy Football draft! As usual, football made out of boobs goes No. 1 overall. #FantasyFootball
Aaron Fullerton
I'm a little nervous, I picked "humility" and "good sportsmanship" for my fantasy football team.
Rex Huppke
My fantasy football draft is tonight. Hoping to nab Tom Brady, a Minotaur, Jesus (with laser gun) and Paul Ryan's abs.
Ted Berg
Hey do you guys know if there's anyplace on the Internet or TV I can get tips and information regarding fantasy football?
Jen Statsky
So psyched it's (No I don't want to join your) Fantasy Football league season again!
Not Charles Barkley
MLB players, Lance Armstrong, and now Jersey Shore. It definitely don't pay to be takin them steroids.
Dan McQuade
It's kind of comforting that Phillies-Mets games have returned to their natural state of two bad teams playing each other.
Alex Mann
Fantasy football somehow makes having an argument with a teenager on a message board feel appropriate.
scharpling
I'm eating at a place where the guy in the next booth was legitimately laughing at a Michael Jordan underwear commercial.
Matt Goldich
I try to shower immediately after doing something gross like showering at the gym.
Seth Meyers
I can't believe Bartolo Colon got suspended for being 50.
Peyton's Head
For $350, I'm assuming Lebron's new Nikes come with your own child laborer.
Joe Praino
A newborn's soft spot #thingsmoredurablethanMikeVick
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Let's kick off summer with a holiday weekend that isn't warm enough for summer activities.
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Have a joyous time celebrating the day your face rubbed your mother's vagina.
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