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BASKETBALL
08/22/2012
The least factually accurate yet somehow most honest Kobe Bryant stats you'll see today.
These facts might not be 100% accurate, but they're honest, which is more than Kobe can tell his soon to be ex-wife he is. Other cool stats include: "99%" (The amount of decision making...
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07/23/2012
Sports you can watch from your sofa: July 23, 2012
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ESPN
06/27/2012
Meet the terrifying man behind the terrifying SportsCenter voice.
It's always disorienting when you see the face of a familiar voice for the first time. Never quite matches up to your imagination. If you've ever watched SportsCenter, you've heard a...
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BASKETBALL
06/18/2012
Why you shouldn't plan extramarital affairs with coworkers on live TV.
For the very latest from downtown Miami, let's go now to two married ESPN analysts whose hormones are flaring in the Florida sun. What can we tell from their report? Between now and next Monday,...
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Basketball
Chinese textbook offers hilariously stereotypical description of every American.
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New sports moments even more awkwardly erotic than the porn you're watching.
London Olympics
New Olympic photos even more awkwardly erotic than the porn you just finished watching.
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Whiffleball
Insane whiffleball pitcher shows just how many ways other people are more talented than you.
Baseball
Most deranged voicemail ever links causes of drug use, abortion and gay marriage to Manny Ramirez.
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Why you shouldn't plan extramarital affairs with coworkers on live TV.
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Ozzie Guillen
michelle obama great. job. and. whit all my. respect she. look. great. congrats. to. her.
Johnny McNulty
Fundamentalists are right when they say the Fantasy genre is anti-Christian, since no one ever picks Tim Tebow.
Kevin Seccia
First fantasy football draft tonight! Don't know much about it but I'll be in full chain mail armor and will try to get all the unicorns!!
Michelle Wolf
My fantasy football team is where we're at a party and they say "you're funny and smart, I want to love you forever." Am I doing this right?
Jon Friedman
I play fantasy football because it is my fantasy to play football.
Alex Scordelis
Hey, who wants to hear about my fantasy football team? *the sound of everyone unfollowing me at once*
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I actually miss you.
I can't believe it's already been a year since the last time I didn't buy you anything for your birthday.
Happy birthday to one of the few people whose birthday I can remember without a Facebook reminder.
May your summer birthday be less hot and sticky than the moment of your birth.
A great way to show off your tan is to stand next to my stunningly white body.
Happy birthday to someone I hope is my friend even when we're too senile to remember each other's birthdays.
If you were Jesus, today would be Christmas.
May you live long enough to shit yourself.
However old you are is the new 30.
Thanks for ignoring me when I said you didn't have to get me a gift.
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