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Chase Mitchell 08/06/2012

London currently having a very hushed discussion in the kitchen about when the Olympics are leaving.
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Chase Mitchell 07/31/2012

Water polo happened when someone tried drowning a bunch of soccer players.
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Chase Mitchell 07/23/2012

All Penn State diplomas to now say "Sorry" above your name and then "Again, Very Sorry" below it.
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Chase Mitchell 07/16/2012

Knicks store currently offering 75% off all unused Jeremy Lin puns, such as "Lin-essee Titans" and "Lin-testinal Cancer."
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Chase Mitchell 07/12/2012

Joe Paterno is the only person who ever got off light by dying of cancer.
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Chase Mitchell 07/09/2012

Olympic athletes are walking specimens of physical human perfection with pretty okay faces.
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Chase Mitchell 06/18/2012

Roger Clemens found not guilty of perjury; is free to go as soon as he calmly puts down the jury box.
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Chase Mitchell 06/13/2012

"I KNEW Lance Armstrong was cheating." - cancer
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Chase Mitchell 05/05/2012

The only way for a horse to really win the Kentucky Derby is to buck that little asshole off and run until he stops seeing hats.
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Chase Mitchell 04/12/2012

Heard someone mention the NHL today so congratulations to hockey season for either beginning or ending.
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Chase Mitchell 04/09/2012

Halftime speeches in soccer movies are just the main character asking if there are any orange slices left.
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Chase Mitchell 04/02/2012

Won a bunch of money on Wrestlemania last night. I bet that wrestling was stupid.
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Chase Mitchell 03/28/2012

Looks like Magic Johnson's also not immune to making terrible financial decisions.
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Chase Mitchell 03/21/2012

I give Tim Tebow about three games with the Jets before he stops believing in God.
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Chase Mitchell 03/16/2012

Duke really uploaded-a-massively-viral-video-and-then-got-arrested-for-masturbating-at-an-intersection on that one.
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Chase Mitchell 02/07/2012

Eli Manning had a great time at Disney World today. He didn't go on the scary rides but his Dad said that was OK and he was brave for trying
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Chase Mitchell 02/05/2012

"Aw, shucks. It weren't nothin'." - Eli Manning, probably
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Chase Mitchell 02/05/2012

Bud Light: "Help rescue dogs, so they can be our beer slaves."
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Chase Mitchell 02/05/2012

Eventually every Super Bowl commercial will just be a monkey hitting a celebrity in the crotch with a talking baby.
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Chase Mitchell 02/01/2012

Now that I've already seen all the Super Bowl commercials I can spend Sunday focusing on the important thing: the products themselves.
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Chase Mitchell 01/30/2012

"Lost a lot of money on the Pro Bowl last night." - NBC
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Chase Mitchell 01/20/2012

I guess one good thing about being Jerry Sandusky is that you never have to worry about someone stealing your identity.
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Chase Mitchell 01/14/2012

"When there was only one set of footprints, that's when I was watching you get slaughtered by the Patriots."
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Chase Mitchell 01/09/2012

Broncos fans with terminal cancer must feel pretty conflicted about God helping Tim Tebow score that touchdown yesterday.
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Chase Mitchell 01/08/2012

Roethlisberger's so upset by that loss he locked HIMSELF in the bathroom.
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