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The Fake ESPN yesterday

Fluid drained from Dwyane Wade's knee turned out to be Chris Bosh's tears that built up over several long sessions of consoling.
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The Fake ESPN 05/16/2012

Mets to host 2013 MLB All-Star Game. The ballpark will be the only Met in attendance.
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The Fake ESPN 05/15/2012

Kyrie Irving runaway winner of NBA RoY with 117 of 120 votes, revealing being a runaway is the only way to win something in Cleveland.
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The Fake ESPN 05/14/2012

Cincinnati basketball players allegedly involved in nightclub incident. Police will begin investigation with the Bengals out of habit.
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The Fake ESPN 04/25/2012

Eli Manning says he's ok with being the third most talked about QB in NYC, because that's exactly how it is within his family.
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The Fake ESPN 04/23/2012

The Pittsburgh Pirates have fewer hits than a first-round American Idol reject.
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The Fake ESPN 04/18/2012

Lebron says it would mean a lot to win another MVP trophy, as he almost has enough to arrange them in a ring on his shelf.
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The Fake ESPN 04/17/2012

Matt Slauson says Jets will be like two separate teams, showing Tebow has already fulfilled God's command to be fruitful and multiply.
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The Fake ESPN 04/16/2012

Cromartie welcomes 10th child. Instead of remembering all their names, he can now just refer to them collectively as his "Dime Package."
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The Fake ESPN 04/13/2012

Petrino's mistress put on paid leave. Having little experience on the matter, UofA consulted Roethlisberger on how to pay a woman to leave.
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The Fake ESPN 04/12/2012

Manning says workouts with Broncos receivers have been rewarding. Says he could barely tell they haven't been thrown to in almost a year.
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The Fake ESPN 04/11/2012

Petrino's girlfriend was offered a 1st class ticket out of Arkansas. She declined, stating "I only ride coach!"
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The Fake ESPN 04/10/2012

T.O. says he "definitely" plans to return to NFL, even if it's just to deliver baby back ribs from the Chilis he picks up shifts at.
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The Fake ESPN 04/09/2012

FOR SALE: Two green jacket sleeves, never worn. Ask for 'Bubba'.
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The Fake ESPN 04/06/2012

Red Sox lose season opening game, assuring everyone that the offseason didn't affect the momentum of their collapse.
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The Fake ESPN 04/03/2012

Today's Nike NFL uniform unveiling completely overshadowed JC Penney's unveiling of their new blouses for NCAA Women's coaches.
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The Fake ESPN 03/28/2012

Nike sues Reebok over Tebow Jets jerseys. Tebow responds by overturning tables, accusing them both of making the NFL a den of thieves.
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The Fake ESPN 03/27/2012

Carolina Panthers have been awarded a compensatory draft choice in order to help them compensate for being the Carolina Panthers.
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The Fake ESPN 03/20/2012

After hearing Hines say he can't imagine wearing anything other than a Steelers Jersey, Gotham Rogues realize they meant nothing to him.
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The Fake ESPN 03/19/2012

Tebow will be the first person in history to leave the mile-high club a virgin.
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The Fake ESPN 03/17/2012

Anthony Davis won't pluck his unibrow, because it acts as a friendship bracelet to Brittney Griner's mustache.
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The Fake ESPN 03/12/2012

Moss to catch passes from Harbaugh during 49ers workout because Alex Smith is unavailable, so it will feel just like a regular season game.
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The Fake ESPN 03/07/2012

Broncos show interest in Peyton. Tebow not concerned about his position, but worries Manning's head may cause interference on his prayers.
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The Fake ESPN 03/05/2012

There have been more extensions throughout the NFL this morning than on Pam Oliver's head.
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The Fake ESPN 03/01/2012

Jerome Simpson pleads guilty to felony, says he looks forward to hanging out with some of his teammates in jail.
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