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Michelle Wolf 08/30/2012

My fantasy football team is where we're at a party and they say "you're funny and smart, I want to love you forever." Am I doing this right?
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Michelle Wolf 07/22/2012

I think they should give the Joe Paterno statue to Roman Polanski as a lifetime achievement award.
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Michelle Wolf 07/16/2012

Mitt Romney is going to be at the Olympic opening ceremony. It's like the two most boring things in the world finally found each other.
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Michelle Wolf 07/11/2012

I wish Tim Tebow would win an ESPY. Then we could finally see who he thanks for everything
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Michelle Wolf 07/02/2012

Michael Phelps will only compete for 7 medals instead of 8, which is bad news for people who loved watching Phelps kiss his mom.
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Michelle Wolf 06/19/2012

If Heat fans were a song, they'd be Don't Stop Believing, because they're horrible
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Michelle Wolf 06/14/2012

I don't think Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs, but I do think he should get in trouble for those Livestrong bracelets.
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Michelle Wolf 06/13/2012

Jamie Dimon apologized to congress for JPM's $3B trading loss. Then pulled a Kobe and got them all 8-karat diamond "i love you" rings
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Michelle Wolf 05/22/2012

Can't believe the Kobes lost to Oklahoma
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Michelle Wolf 05/17/2012

We get it Kobe, you're not Michael Jordan. You don't have to fall apart in the last minutes of a game to prove it to us.
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Michelle Wolf 05/16/2012

Larry Bird is 1st to win MVP, Coach of the Year and Executive of the Year. If he commits a crime then he'll be the ultimate athlete.
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Michelle Wolf 05/14/2012

Finding out that Ron Paul is ending his campaign is like getting tickets to a WNBA game. Cool, i didn't realize that was still a thing.
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Michelle Wolf 05/04/2012

Even though Mariano Rivera is out with a knee injury, he'll still have a less disappointing season than A-Rod
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Michelle Wolf 05/01/2012

Amare Stoudemire says, "we've all done things we regret..." are we talking about the fire extinguisher or those braids? both, right?
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Michelle Wolf 04/26/2012

If the NFL Draft was actually the army draft, we'd have a really great army for like 40 yards at a time.
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Michelle Wolf 04/26/2012

If they cancel the Pro Bowl, how will players know that they're good enough but their team isn't?
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Michelle Wolf 04/24/2012

Chris Brown was shocked to see Metta World Peace elbow Harden. He had no idea they were in love
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Michelle Wolf 04/23/2012

Tebow moved to Hoboken? I would have pegged him for a heart of Chelsea kind of guy. Like in a big closet, I mean apartment.
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Michelle Wolf 04/18/2012

Bob Costas has to be excited for the Olympics. Or anything that isn't interviewing Jerry Sandusky
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Michelle Wolf 04/17/2012

Cleveland Indians sign Johnny Damon. No word yet on if they'll sign Corbin Bersen.
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Michelle Wolf 04/16/2012

In honor of the Boston Marathon, i'm going to eat a ton of pasta and then not run because it's too hot
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Michelle Wolf 04/13/2012

A news article revealed the 8 best eats at Yankee stadium, but they forgot my favorite: Watching A-Rod eat his dick. Available most games.
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Michelle Wolf 04/11/2012

Bobby Petrino apologizes for his indiscretions and for buying a motorcycle instead of an easier to drive convertible for his mid-life crisis.
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Michelle Wolf 04/10/2012

I'd go to baseball games but if I wanted to sit in uncomfortable seats and watch something I don't care about, I'd just go to church.
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Michelle Wolf 04/09/2012

i love Tebowing. that's like the only position i'll give a blow job in
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