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The Marketing Dance

Ashley O'Connor
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Ashley O'Connor

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Matt Goldich

The Golden State Warriors are moving to San Francisco. What a terrible loss for the wonderful city of Golden State.
Tim Siedell

Professional wrestler name: Office Max. Signature move: Three Hole Punch.
Michelle Wolf

Can't believe the Kobes lost to Oklahoma
Bobby Big Wheel

People turning on their TVs after watching a late NBA game are responsible for 90% of Charmed reruns' viewers.
Tim Siedell

Golf ball sized hail wouldn't be so destructive if we just made golf balls a lot smaller.
Aaron Glaser

Stan Van Gunemployed
The Fake ESPN

Fluid drained from Dwyane Wade's knee turned out to be Chris Bosh's tears that built up over several long sessions of consoling.
Thomas Towell

Do race horses know they're pro athletes? Did Secrtariat ever go to a nightclub wearing sweatpants and shoot himself in the leg by accident?
Not Bill Walton

A con artist was arrested for impersonating Vince Young. His cover was blown when he actually got through his scam without getting injured.
Aaron Glaser

Cubs pitcher Kerry Wood is retiring after setting the Major League record for unfulfilled expectations.
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